I was walking around a store that I won’t name when I noticed Christmas decorations for sale. I’m still deciding on what to dress up as for Halloween, but this store has decided to skip the rest of October and November and most of December and just declare that it’s Christmas time. Not that I have a problem with that, but it would have been nice if they had asked me if I cared to completely skip Thanksgiving dinner.
That said, this is what I want to get my mom for Christmas. In a way, it’s also for me. When I come home with a body part hanging off, she can turn to this guide as an invaluable tool for fixing me.
According to the book, when I have ‘Loof Aloof Morgoof,’ Mom will know that the only cure is a bit of ‘Hug-a-bugbug.’
When I’m afflicted with ‘Reef Grief,’ Mom can mix up some ‘Mudfunkles Soup.’
And when I try to stay home from school with a bad case of ‘Ne’er Wells Areya’, she’ll know that only some ‘Parsnip Nipspar’ will save the day.
I hope she appreciates how much work I put into keeping our family safe.
- Vincent
